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Marsha Owen is my wife and we have been married since 1985, and have four mostly wonderful children. She found her conversion story amongst her journals, June 2003, and wanted to share it with all, since everyone that actively joins the church, whether raised and baptized as a youth or baptized later as an adult, has a conversion story.
In spite of the fact that I was baptized at the age of eight into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I wasn't truly converted until I was 16 or 17. I'll never forget it.
I had been getting into alcohol and drugs for a couple of years and I was really getting ``burnt out''. I never prayed or did anything spiritual. One night I went to a party, I used to go to a party about every night back then. This was a smaller party with some of my friends. I took some LSD. I remember that it was on some paper, blotter acid, and it was such a tiny dot. I had never taken LSD before. Fortunately, I had a bad trip. It was a terrifying experience. I won't go into detail as it isn't so important to know the experience in detail. Let it suffice to say that I was greatly influenced by it and the experience I had caused me to think of God once more.
I used to be active in the church. I guess it was because I had to go but, I know I had some good feelings there too. As I got older I was drawn away by peer pressure and I didn't like to go because we always had to get rides from other people. I stopped going on Sundays and as a teen I stopped altogether. When I quit completely I rebelled and I wanted to do everything wrong for some reason. I got terrible grades and was always truant. I was disrespectful, slothful, and would get into a great uproar if anyone even mentioned God to me. I didn't want anything to do with a church and resisted any reactivation efforts in my behalf. I escaped when home teachers came and when my sister became active I considered her a traitor. In the end it was her example that had a great part in my returning to God.
After the LSD experience I realized that I didn't have control of my life and the road I was following was leading me to hell. I had influenced a lot of people to do wrong by telling them that no one could force them to do anything (or not do anything). It wasn't very long before, through a few more scary incidents that I was really afraid of where I was. I felt an urgency to change my life or be damned forever. I remembered my sins, every single one, and I couldn't bear the guilt and fear that if I should die I would have to spend all eternity in hell. I didn't know the proper teachings of hell and the kingdoms of glory. I just knew that hell was a terrible place. If I didn't die then I felt that Satan would take over and I would be possessed. I really felt it would happen.
I humbled myself and began a frantic search through the Bible. I prayed and prayed for God's help. At first nothing made sense to me. The Bible was so gory and I couldn't seem to find comfort in reading it. The thought that kept me going was that, if there wasn't a God then there was nothing for anyone to live for. No reason for life or death. Many nights I shook, really shook and pleaded for God to forgive my sins. I felt constant fear and could find no relief. My sins haunted me and I felt that Satan was standing over me just waiting. I was afraid of everything around me! I was afraid to be alone because I thought I would be possessed. My mom stayed with me every night until I fell asleep, I felt safe in my sleep. I kept trying to go out into the world and be "normal" again. I continued to pray. One night my sister and her fiance were going bowling and invited me to come along. I, of course, was afraid but I had to go to face my fears and overcome this fear. We had a small accident. My sister and I decided to walk home. It was about 5 miles. The accident seemed to have been like a shock treatment and I wasn't afraid anymore. It was late but I wanted to walk. As we walked home my sister tried to tell me about the ``Plan of Salvation''. She had tried to tell me about it a couple of days earlier and it just seemed way too "far out " to me. It scared me (of course). But this night, as she told me about Heavenly Father's Plan I was calm and peaceful. It all made sense to me and I believed it!
When we got home I was exhausted. Not only from the walk but from the tension and stress I had felt the past week or so. I laid down on the couch and fell into a deep sleep. I woke up three different times. Each time I felt a rush of something being lifted out of me - it was like my sins were being taken away and replaced with a warm, calming feeling. After that I always went to church, I prayed. I believed that God was more powerful than the devil but I knew that Satan was real. I prayed constantly for the Lord's help to be able to ``make it''. I had faith and I worked to prove myself. I learned about the atonement. I remember sitting on the hill in front of my house one day and feeling overwhelmed that Jesus Christ would suffer and die for a rotten person like me, that God loved me and would give a rebellious soul like mine another chance to live with him again. It amazed me. I completely changed my life and I had this great and urgent desire to tell others about God and the church (sometimes a little too zealously). I guess that happens to a lot of people when they get converted. I know that God lives and loves His children. I wish we could remember how forgiving He is. I'm not perfect but God will still help me. That's the most important thing to believe. Not all of us are as valiant as Alma (a prophet of the Book of Mormon). Maybe we need to be forgiven more often. After I knew that I was forgiven I felt much better about myself than I ever had in my life because God, the greatest of all, loved me. I can't express the joy I felt. my new friends in the church were uplifting. I felt the power of the Holy Ghost in my life and had many spiritual experiences - more at that time than I do now. That was about 10 years ago. I'll never forget the conversion I had - at least I pray that I won't forget the amazing mercy of God.
Note: This was written about 20 years ago. I have grown and learned and continue to learn about the Saviour and the Plan of Salvation that Heavenly Father prepared for us. I am so thankful for the great and wonderful blessings that I have received from living the principles of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I am truly a new person. I'm still sorry for my mistakes - especially when I think of my kids reading about it. It would be nice if they could see that I was always good and faithful but, at least they can see that a person can repent and be blessed again. I am thankful for a living prophet, for Temples in which we receive even greater blessings and can serve others who have died without the knowledge of the Gospel. I am thankful for the scriptures and that we have not only the Bible but the Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants, The Pearl of Great Price, living apostles and a prophet to guide us. I'm thankful for the Gift of the Holy Ghost which warms our hearts when we hear truth, and comforts us when we have trials and enlightens and warns us. I am just as thankful for those of you who are not members of this church but faithful followers of Christ. Many of you are better than I am. I have been influenced for good by your examples. I know that he loves you and I would urge you to allow him to bless you even more than you are now with more guidance, more scripture, more truth and Temple Blessings for your families. You too can feel the Holy Ghost bear witness to you of the truths I speak of. It doesn't take away from what you believe but adds unto it. I bear testimony that these things are true in the name of my Saviour and yours, Jesus Christ. Amen.
Last Modified: 2003/07/27 15:17:34
Brought to you by: R.K. Owen,Ph.D.
This page is http://owen.sj.ca.us/rkowen/LDS/converts/marsha_owen.html
